| |
| |
|
Divorce Information |
|
|
|
Divorce--Negotiating Agreement: Ten Steps
The best predictor of a good divorce outcome is the degree of client control over the negotiation--everything works much better if you have it. This doesn't mean you should not get help and advice from an attorney if you want it; it means you are better off if you plan to do most or all of the negotiating yourself.
2. Meet on neutral ground: Find a neutral place to meet, not the home or office of either spouse where there could be too many reminders, memories, personal triggers. Or the visiting spouse could feel at some disadvantage and the home spouse can't get up and go if things get out of hand. Try a restaurant, the park, borrow a meeting space or rent one if necessary.
5. Build agreement:
Next, write down the things you don't agree on. Always keep trying to refine your differences--to make them more and more clear and precise. Try to break differences down into digestible, bite-sized pieces. 7. State issues in a constructive way: "Reframing" is when you restate things in a more neutral way, to encourage communication and understanding. For example: One spouse says, "I have to keep the house." Reframe: "What I would like most is to keep the house, that's my first priority, because . . . What the house means to me is . . ." 8. Get legal advice: Typically, legal questions come up as you negotiate. Get advice; find out if the laws of your state provide a clear, predictable outcome on your particular issue. Don't hesitate to get more than one opinion. 9. Be patient and persistent: Don't rush, don't be in a hurry. Divorces take time and negotiation takes time. Whenever someone hears a new idea, it takes time to percolate. It takes time for people to change their minds. It may take time to shift your mutual orientation from combative to competitive to cooperative. So don't just do something; stand there! A slow, gradual approach takes pressure off and allows emotions to cool. 10. Get help: Negotiating with your spouse may not be easy; you're dealing with old habits, raw wounds, entrenched personality patterns--all the obstacles to agreement all at once. A third person can really help keep things in focus. Mediators are professionals who are specially trained to help you negotiate; they are expert at helping couples get unblocked and into an agreement. Mediation is very effective and it usually goes quickly. Before you begin to negotiate, get a copy of Divorce Solutions: How to Make Any Divorce Better (the book from which this article was excerpted) for you and your spouse. Then, if possible, discuss parts of it together. There are many good books about negotiation, but one of the best and easiest to read is the little (150-page) Penguin paperback by Fisher and Ury, Getting to Yes: Negotiating Agreement Without Giving In, available at www.divorcehelp.com, along with other recommended books and software. Copyright 2005 Ed Sherman Ed Sherman is a family law attorney, divorce expert, and founder of Nolo Press. He started the self-help law movement in 1971 when he published the first edition of How to Do Your Own Divorce, and founded the paralegal industry in 1973. With more than a million books sold, Ed has saved the public billions of dollars in legal fees while making divorce go more smoothly and easily for millions of readers. You can order his books from http://www.nolodivorce.com or by calling (800) 464-5502.
MORE RESOURCES:
Divorce - Google News |
|
|
|
RELATED ARTICLES
Grieving the End of Your Marriage, as You Know it The pain of finding out that your partner is cheating on you can be the worst pain you'll feel in your entire life. What is happening to you, you may wonder. Anatomy of a Divorce: How it Really Works The legal divorce vs. your real divorceThe legal divorce has very limited concerns: to get a judgment of divorce, you have to make arrangements for your property, your children, and support (if any). Steps Toward Divorce When you're faced with the possibility of divorce it's important that you make sure you and your children (if you have any) are taken care of. Before you even visit the attorney you'll want to assess your financial situation. Houston Divorce Lawyer - West Houston Attorney Answers Common Questions About Mediation If you are reading this, then you are probably either thinking of filing for divorce -- or have a feeling that your spouse may be filing for divorce -- whether you want to separate or not.One of the common questions that an individual going through the divorce process asks is "What is a Divorce Mediation?"Mediation is a process which allows both you and your spouse to maintain control over your destiny and the terms of your divorce settlement. Post-Divorce Alimony in Texas This article provides a brief overview on Texas law concerning post-divorce alimony in Texas. Laws differ from state to state and individual circumstances vary, so you should consult with a qualified family law attorney in your area for specific advice on your particular situation. How To Protect Your Life Insurance Policy While Going Through A Divorce Life insurance, more than most things you buy, relates to the circumstances of your life. You buy life insurance to protect your family from financial loss stemming from your death. Divorce and Separation - A Child's Perspective It is always the children that suffer the most when a marriage breaks down and separation or divorce is imminent. Children of divorcing parents often witness arguments even rows and this has a strong effect on any child. Avoid Lawyers! Do-It-Yourself Divorce Saved Me Tons of Money! Let me preface this by saying right up front - this is NOT for everyone. The key is that my situation was friendly enough to still communicate with each other after we split. Reasons For Divorce; What Constitutes Viable Reasons For Thinking About Or Wanting A Divorce? According to the Center for Disease Control's National Vital Statistics Report of 2002, 50% of first marriages ended in divorce and 60% of remarriages end in divorce. But, the Center for Disease Control also found that 96% of Americans express a personal desire for marriage, and almost three-quarters of Americans believe marriage is a life long commitment. Surviving Divorce: What To Think About To Ensure Surviving Divorce Surviving divorce can be a valid fear if you're contemplating getting a divorce. In order to ensure surviving divorce, you should first understand that your divorce decision shouldn't be taken lightly. Divorce--Negotiating Agreement: Ten Steps The best predictor of a good divorce outcome is the degree of client control over the negotiation--everything works much better if you have it. This doesn't mean you should not get help and advice from an attorney if you want it; it means you are better off if you plan to do most or all of the negotiating yourself. Spousal Emotional Abuse During Divorce--What You Can Do Is your spouse violent, abusive, harassing? In cases of harassment or violence there are legal remedies and there are practical things you can and must do for yourself. This is not about reaching agreement--these are strategies for self-defense. Divorce--How to Beat the System Of course you want to get your Judgment--that's the goal of your legal divorce--but you don't want to go through the adversarial legal system to get it. You don't want to get all tangled up with lawyers and courts, because the system is designed to work against you. 5 Ways To Ensure You Will Have a Happy Life After Divorce Life after divorce is something that most people who are going through divorce think about. Thinking about having a life after divorce or thinking about how your life will be after divorce, are common because people tend to fear for themselves. Divorce--How the Legal System Works Against You If there were no legal system, no lawyers and no courts, divorce would still be difficult and it would still take time to go through it. Divorce is at least a major crossroad in your life, maybe even a full-blown life crisis. Love and Marriage Fairy Tale When we were children we believed in fairy tales and happy ever after endings just like Cinderella, Snow White, Sleeping Beauty and many other fairy tales. However, as we grow older, we soon realise that situations in real life do not always turn out as we would of expected our fairy tale to. Child Support: 5 Key Things Every Parent Should Know There is no magic solution to getting issues surrounding child support resolved. Most parents know that when dealing with the bureaucracy tied to the child support system persistence, persistence, persistence is the key that opens the door. 5 Things To Do Before You Even Think About Getting A Divorce There are many steps to take to protect yourself in a divorce. This article will get you started. Divorce: Coping With The Family Law Process The EmotionsDivorce is a scary, lonely and misunderstood process for most people, particularly when there are children involved. The mutual friends enjoyed during the marriage may not be of help because those individuals may not want to "pick a side. Women And Divorce: How Women Should Protect Themselves Financially Regarding Divorce Women who believe a divorce is a possibility or who think that their husband will be asking about getting a divorce at some point should put their emotions aside and plan "just in case" their intuition is correct that a divorce may be coming in the near future. If women who believe that the "divorce discussion" may be lurking, they should make it a point to look for solid signs that their husband will indeed ask for a divorce.
|
|
Home | Site Map | 101InfoLinks.com | Best Book Shop | Sports Fans ONLY 
.
|
| © 2007 |
